Many of us across the country socialise with alcohol, from the winding down glass of wine at the end of the week to catching up with friends in the pub. It’s a perfectly normal part of life and sharing a glass with our special someone can make it all the better.
However, we all know that drinking can become problematic too. After all, alcohol rehab facilities are jam-packed with people who are struggling with the substance. So finding the right balance is a must.
When it comes to drinking with our partner, sometimes without even realising, you may be contributing to their own problematic drinking habits and you may be encouraging them to overstep that line.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re actively encouraging them, it could be far more subtle and unintentional but it’s important to recognise that and essentially stop enabling what could become a habit or dependency.
It’s always useful to assess our own relationship with alcohol, as well as how we may be affecting our partner, and here are five signs you might be encouraging your partner to drink too much…
You Normalise Drinking Every Day
Firstly, normalising drinking is inadvertently stating that it’s acceptable to drink whenever and wherever. It sends the message it’s an expected part of daily life, and while of course the occasional drink is harmful, making it a constant in life can be dangerous.
If your partner is trying to cut down, they may even feel pressured as a result of the “normality” of it. Which, naturally, you don’t want.
You Downplay or Dismiss Their Concerns
Perhaps your partner has mentioned wanting to cut back, or they’ve expressed worry about how much they are drinking. If your response is to minimise their concern by saying things like “it’s not that bad”, “everyone drinks this much”, or “you deserve it after a long day” then you may be unintentionally discouraging them from making healthier choices.
What feels like reassurance can actually be invalidation, making them less likely to address their drinking.
You Use Alcohol as a Tool for Connection
Common among a lot of couples, alcohol is used as a tool to connect with each other and other couples. Going to the pub becomes the number one social activity and way to spend time together outside the house.
While enjoying a drink isn’t inherently negative, relying on it as a way to connect can encourage it to be, overusing it and limiting other helpful, more meaningful alcohol free activities.
You Encourage Drinking in Social Settings
Peer pressure does not only happen among friends – it can happen between partners too. If you nudge your partner to “have another one” at a party, insist on buying them drinks, or tease them for stopping early, you may be pushing them to drink more than they want to.
Even light-hearted comments can have an impact. Because drinking is often tied to belonging and acceptance, your partner may feel obliged to keep pace, even if it goes against their own intentions.
You Avoid Facing the Issue
Actually, sometimes we both turn to drink instead of confronting our issues. If you notice your partner is drinking heavily but you’re choosing to ignore it, that in itself is supporting and enabling their behaviour.
It may feel like you’re keeping the peace, but you’re just prolonging problems that may even get exacerbated as a result of addiction. It’s better to have those difficult conversations, not just for your relationship, but also for the health of your partner too.
What You Can Do Instead
If you do recognise any of the signs above, then there are positive steps that you can take. Look at alcohol-free rituals and activities to enjoy together and listen openly and have honest conversations about both of your drinking.
Support one another and understand that drinking too much isn’t sustainable long term and that help is out there, including the help of one another. It’ll only benefit your relationship.
